Principle #32 from Intimacy Without Responsibility - The Conscious Evolution of Love:
If I am blaming you for something, I am choosing to be a victim...
victim consciousness meaning that I have given up my power.
When I am a victim, I give up responsibility for my manifestations.Below are common conscious and unconscious messages learned from family of origin, teachers, society, religion and authority figures. They support the notion of victim consciousness in relationship.
Victim consciousness is the belief that someone else has done something to you that is bad or unacceptable, and as a result, it is someone else’s fault or responsibility that you are not happy. Such as:
- I blame you for doing this or being that way.
- I judge the things you do and how you do them.
- I use the past to prove I am right and you are wrong.
- It is not okay that you are imperfect. I expect more of you.
- The facts are the facts. You have done something wrong.
- I resent you forever. I may forgive you, but I will never forget.
- I guess I am just unlucky with relationships and life.
- Next time, I will be more in control of myself.
- Men/Women are all that way.
- Why me? Why does this always happen to me?
- Watch out! The world is not safe.
Today I decide to take responsibility for all my experiences. I am willing to take responsibility for anything I did or did not do that hurt you, and I hope you are, too. At the same time, I will not blame either of us because it is all part of our process.