As I approach my upcoming birth day this year, I have uncovered a deep subconscious, in tact, in place, sophisticated, hard wired set of beliefs concerning the age of 70. They have popped their synaptic heads up just in time to notice. Thank God. Yes, I thank the Universe for the discovery of these deep seated imprints from the lower vibrational system, infused with fear and surely headed toward the end. I am right on schedule.
This discovery has stopped me in my tracks, taken my breath away and throws around thought forms of survival right and left. It’s the very core issue and wound I have been healing and transforming since the beginning of my time here on earth. That is a shocker.
Now I understand where all the energy has come from for my own want for celebration of elderhood - yet I thought it was because I am proud of myself, my work, my accomplishments and my Sunwoman Magicmaker-ness not realizing there was more to it…
Our mother lied about her age. She did not want to talk about it and falsified this on her drivers license and most other documents, as far as I know. My sister and I never really knew exactly how old she was until she died. Well, Petee probably did, but not me.
Maybe she truly did not want to buy into the whole idea of aging (as I thought I had not) or perhaps she was just afraid of dying. I believe she loved living…loved her body, dressed it, showered it, took it out into the sun before we were told not to - loved to lay and tan.
I remember her tanned, sweaty, oiled body when she came in from the backyard in the summertime. There was no swimming pool to jump into for cooling off - just a cool shower and lotions and witch hazel that she applied on her face with a slapping of the hand motion as she stared into the mirror at her reflection. What beautiful skin she had. She danced and sang and played the piano and had a bright, beautiful, fun spirit in her eyes. I forgot how much I loved her till right now.
She was never old to me - very alive yet fearful of dying, fearful of cancer for as long as I can remember. Indeed, she took it on, went pretty quickly and never did have to be a limping, wheel-chaired sick old lady. I get it now.
As I approach my 70th birthday…. Could it be that I am anything like my mother….Or the world of old people lined up in wheelchairs in the West Palm Beach, Florida airport with the young detached attendants waiting to see what tip they will receive?
I know about that. Like the time a couple of years ago when we had our 50th high school reunion and I myself practically had to crawl from a wheelchair to the handicapped bathroom stall ….in incredible pain and in need of a hip replacement I had soon afterward. That was not for me.
More acutely than ever I know that we humans have attached deep meaning for every age…complete with ideas, thoughts, beliefs and feelings…..some painful, some joyful. Our parents and society teach us what is supposed to happen physically, mentally, emotionally, socially…for every age, complete with matching appropriate birthday themes, gifts and cakes. Sometimes there is a clown and at a later age a naked person might jump out of a cake or we “get to” legally buy a beer.
That information is imprinted in our body/mind from a very young age, as we believe and take it all in our sponge like brain at the time, accepting the information with no resistance. We did not even have a choice! Yet, the whole system of beliefs is buried deep in our psyche and we live it all out from a hypnotic trance unless a new consciousness somehow miraculously replaces it.
I have spent my whole life helping people discover the old patterns, systems, beliefs and resulting feelings that sabotage the life they desire. My books, teachings and healing processes are full of my passion helping people move out of mediocrity and acceptance of old ideas about almost everything and into a new and extraordinary existence by design. And how incredible and exhilarating this work is for me still in this very moment.
And of course my own default system of what it means to be 70 could not have revealed itself until the actual age came near. What a concept!
So now, much to my surprise, my own personal 70 year old belief system is fully activated in the background of my being. Everything is weird. My body is talking to me. I am having strange sensations and then ridiculous thoughts of what all that could be. Just stop it!
Having knowledge of how it all works does not instantly change it unfortunately. I am truly amazed at myself. And if I do not laugh right now, it will mean I’m just not getting it. And I am laughing and I am still uncomfortable until I transcend the whole damn thing. What?
In my meditations in the field of all possibilities, I am dancing and moving, slim and trim, healthy, strong and beautiful. What happened? I guess there is more to shift as those benchmarks and old neuropathways are intense, deep-seated and complex. And, as I have consciousness this day of what is really going on, I am ready.
It is my time to transcend my mother’s belief system and the archetypes associated with the age of 70. I replace the illusion with a new mind, overriding my default programs so deeply ingrained from the norm and my beautiful mother. I choose this from love vs. fear, knowledge and power vs. shame or a lessening of my talents.
It is my decision this day to release the thought form of the collective consciousness that sits deeply in my body and subconscious. I understand the illusion of the dream. I continue to release any pattern stuck in my shadow or being that does not bring me joy, peace and love. I release my uneasiness moment to moment and stay in touch with the divine - the web of creation… the quantum field of all possibilities, which I have known, felt and connected to for so many years.
I shall set in its place a new consciousness - a higher consciousness with high vibration, joy and fun. I look forward to the best and most productive years of my life with great health, wealth and wisdom. I remember now that anything can heal….the body will follow the exact command of my subconscious program. I am the designer of my life and my intuitive destiny is to continue on this path with greater and greater clarity, wisdom and power. I love this earth. I choose to stay and fulfill my mission and purpose, as I have more to do here.
The old paradigm locked inside carried with it a certain denial of growing older, like my mother… carrying with it a certain fear for taking care of things, or important aspects, be they material or abstract. The new template must not be a spiritual bypass or abandonment of factors to be faced as I do indeed add another candle on my cake.
It is about embracing my elderhood, looking forward to new adventures, facing everything, expressing and releasing all feelings that will naturally occur in life and living and reconnecting to the peace of God - the Great Mystery. I am ready to ride the wave and see where it takes me as I release the survival template of life/death that have been an underlying system running my life.
There is enough love for me. There is enough milk for me and I am alive and well, rejoicing in it. Living in the moment. Staying connected to the love no matter what.
What a relief. I move now from a state of immobilization to movement, ease and flexibility. I am awakened once again, stimulated, moving forward - my knee is looser, my legs not so tight. I release my resistance to making the celery juice part of my morning routine as I skip down the new path.
I feel grateful for the new iteration of me, for my new body, mind and spirit that is beginning to overtake me now. I thank the whole process in advance for whatever the outcome will be. I surrender it all to the unknown and allow myself not to have to know every detail of how this will happen. It has already been a profound happening for me.
Imagine what 80, 90 and 100 will be like….
And so it is.