As I have been home recovering from an incredible hip replacement - I have had more time than usual to meditate, be quiet, go within... I've been thinking about my book - Intimacy Without Responsibility...the conscious evolution of love. In my contemplative state I seem to have activated some new stuff. And, most of it is not so new, rather just a reminder that one of the most important tasks in our human evolution is to move from a state of victimhood to freedom. When I do not blame anyone else for my state of being, circumstance or feelings, I can experience true freedom. When I remember that I am the creator and designer of my life, I am free.
Here is Principle 29 from the book as it applies to loving relationships: I never again need to blame you or even me for problems in our relationship. Instead, I will take responsibility for my creations.
Intimacy without Responsibility adheres to the No Blame principle. If you blame your partner for what he or she is doing to you, you will not heal. As long as you are blaming another person, you are a victim.
Instead, it is important to think, "I have re-created my past feelings and negative beliefs about myself.
When I was young, my dad left me and I begged him not to go. So, now I think you are going to leave too, and then I react." And next, you think, “My reaction and feeling was based on my old belief system that dad will leave and he must not love me or want me… and this situation feels similar. I have attracted this situation so that I can heal the original pain! What a wonderful thing!”
This work is about taking 100% responsibility for what it is that I am experiencing in my life and in my relationship challenges. This time, instead of reacting the same old way, re-living the pattern over and over, I am willing to take responsibility for my creation. In so doing, I am not blaming myself either. My soul has assisted me in re-creating a similar experience, so I can heal. In truth, this all means that I am moving toward wholeness.
I choose now to perceive my life from this viewpoint. In this way, I never again need to blame anyone for anything. This does not mean that I will never feel angry or resentful or scared... and I may react again. The thing is—I will PROCESS the experience through and apply this powerful way of being with it.